


My Grown-Up Christmas List

by HuntressFirefall



Series: Finding Love In These Scars [4]
Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Fluff, M/M, Max & Ibe get a quick mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2018-12-20
Packaged: 2019-09-23 05:45:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17074493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HuntressFirefall/pseuds/HuntressFirefall
Summary: As the holidays descend on Tokyo, Ash and Eiji's new life together is falling into place. But when Eiji finds out that Ash never had a chance to experience a Christmas that he could consider happy or memorable, he makes it his mission to change that.This story fits in the time period just before the final segment in Chapter 5 ofSame Damn Place With A Different Yearsubtitled "Eighteen Months Later".





	My Grown-Up Christmas List

**Author's Note:**

> _No more lives torn apart_  
>  That wars would never start  
> And time would heal all hearts  
> And everyone would have a friend  
> And right would always win  
> And love would never end, no  
> [This is my grown up Christmas list](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_q7nsE1DdM)

“I can't believe it's happening. Did that really just happen?”

Ash and Eiji had just stepped out onto the street after leaving their business lawyer's office in Shibuya, and Ash was having a definite “pinch me” moment. After several months of searching for an available location and all of the legal wrangling involved, they had just signed the final paperwork to close the sale on the building that would be Ash's dream come to life: Within the next two to three months, he and Eiji would be opening an izakaya together.

“Yes, Ash, we did it,” Eiji grinned, his pace nearly at a jog to keep up with Ash, who was practically floating down the sidewalk. Eiji was still getting used to this new version of Ash, the one that wasn't on high alert while walking through the city. For a moment it flashed through Eiji's mind that they should be more careful, that Ash shouldn't be bringing attention to himself as he was right now; he was definitely getting the side-eye from some of the more reserved Japanese pedestrians, but periodically some of the college students from the nearby university would accept Ash's random high-five as they walked by. But then Eiji remembered that the impulsive thought was an old habit that was still refusing to let go quite yet, and allowed himself to enjoy Ash's exceedingly-happy mood.

Eiji caught up to Ash as he paused at a taiyaki stand to buy a snack, choosing his favorite chocolate-filled and getting one for Eiji in his favorite, red azuki beans. Eiji smiled as he took it, the warm, waffle-like treat perfect for the chilly December evening.

“You want to check out the [Blue Cave](https://notesofnomads.com/ao-no-dokutsu-blue-cave-shibuya/) before we head home?” Ash asked. “It's just the next block over.”

Eiji smiled at that, swallowing a bite of his food. “Sure. I haven't seen it in a long time. I used to like wandering around with my college friends during Christmas time to see all the lights. We'd just keep jumping on and off the trains all day once we were done with classes for the year.”

“Well we can do that now if you're up for it,” Ash said with a smile. “I usually just stuck around this area really unless I had to do something specific. I've never taken a tour though I have heard about all the events.”

“I think we can do that another day,” Eiji said. “You have to start early if you want to see them all. And it's about two weeks to Christmas so it's likely to be crowded and take us a while to walk through.”

The pair continued down the block, finishing off their taiyaki on the way. Once they got to the beginning of the illuminations they followed the trees wrapped in glowing blue lights to Yoyogi Park Zelkova Street, where the trees lining the walkway on either side were close enough together to form the “cave” aspect of the display.

At one point there was a break in the crowd and Eiji watched Ash wander ahead a little, face turned up into the branches of the glowing trees. Wishing he'd brought his good camera with him Eiji took out a smaller, point-and-shoot digital he always carried and quietly began taking photos of Ash. At one time, the peaceful scenes he captured would have been so rare that Eiji would have been in awe that Ash would let his guard down that much, especially in public. In fact, the more he thought about it, Eiji realized this would never have happened back then in New York City. But watching Ash taking photos with his phone, completely relaxed and within the moment, brought home to Eiji just how much their lives had changed (hell, Eiji never even expected this to be happening at all).

Ash broke from his reverie then to look about until he spotted Eiji, who caught the smile that crossed Ash's face with an instinctive click of his camera. He walked forward, still smiling and slipping an arm around Eiji's shoulders.

“Remember the one Christmas we snuck down to Rockefeller Center and I showed you [the tree](http://blog.shawcontractgroup.com/new-york-city-lighting-up-with-design/rockefeller-tree-1/) for the first time?” Ash said as they began to walk the rest of the path.

Eiji grinned. “I do. There were so many people! But it was the biggest Christmas tree I'd ever seen. I'm pretty sure I still have all the pictures somewhere. I got commissioned to do a photo session of it one year while I was living there, but other than that I never went back on my own.”

“Why not?” Ash asked.

“I couldn't. It was difficult enough getting through it when I had a job to do. It was the tree lighting ceremony so there was the concert and everything, and that took my mind off of things. But still... I couldn't go back by myself.”

Ash was quiet for a bit then as they continued to walk. Pausing at another stand the pair got a hot drink, then sat down on a bench to rest before heading back toward home.

“Even when things were rough, I'd try to sneak out and get a look at it. I never had a chance to have a real Christmas, the whole stereotypical thing. Decorated house, Santa coming, friends and family, baking cookies... none of that. And it was hit or miss whether it snowed in Cape Cod or New York. I got in trouble for sneaking out to go see the RockTree once with Golzine. I wasn't where I was supposed to be and he went looking for me to give me to a client for the night. I was 13 at the time. After that, I didn't go again till he set me loose and gave me the gang to look after. It was easier to pull off before I had a million people watching for me. The time I took you was the last time I made it there before I left New York. Maybe we'll get back there someday and see it again.”

Eiji nodded, sipping on his matcha latte. “I'd like that. Make some new memories to cancel out the old ones that are tough to remember, even if they were good at the time.”

“Well I'm here now, I would think it's not so sad to think about anymore,” Ash ventured.

“Yes and no. It still reminds me how it was a moment where I saw who you really were, who you could have been if your life had been different. And even though I know now that I couldn't have really saved you like I wanted to back then, I still wish things had turned out differently. I still wish we hadn't lost all that time.”

Ash wrapped an arm around him, pulling him close. “I know. But we have now, and we can keep going from here. I mean, today's been pretty awesome, right?”

Eiji smiled softly, returning Ash's grin. “Yes, it has.”

Ash looked around them then, finding the crowd thinning out a bit with a decent amount of empty space on either side of where they were sitting. Pulling his hood up over his head he leaned in, with Eiji expecting him to murmur something in his ear.

The soft brush of Ash's lips on his only startled Eiji momentarily. They hadn't kissed yet, though Eiji had really wanted to more than once. He angled his head upward to accept Ash's kiss, eyes closing...

Eiji blinked in startled confusion as Ash pulled away suddenly; a look over his shoulder toward the walkway revealed another group of pedestrians approaching. Well aware of Japan's general views of PDA Ash had shied away from acting on his impulses, and Eiji couldn't say he was happy about it.

“Ew, people,” Ash murmured.

Eiji had to laugh at that. “They have horrible timing.”

“Why don't we head home, it's getting kind of late anyway,” Ash said. “We've got a ways to walk back.”

Eiji nodded, then rose from the bench as Ash did the same. “Let's do that.” _And maybe I can get you to finish that kiss..._

Their walk back to the condo was uneventful, though the holiday atmosphere around Shibuya was definitely contagious. They stopped along the way to look at the holiday window displays, with Ash talking about what he remembered from the limited supply of decent Christmas-related memories he had. Eiji knew enough about New York now to know the atmosphere was quite different here in Japan, where the holiday wasn't celebrated the same way it was in the US, and he found he missed it himself. As they paused under a pair of trees one business had draped in lights in front of their shop Eiji pulled out his camera again to catch a couple of shots of Ash leaning against it, the blue and white glow adding to the pensive expression on his face.

“I always liked Christmas lights,” Ash said. “Winter was always dreary no matter where I was. When there wasn't snow, it was the only thing that sort of made things feel less depressing. Sometimes the guys would string up lights in the house where we all stayed, and we'd party on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. We never bothered with a tree or anything though, or gifts. Most of the time it was just another day. Sometimes if I wasn't in the mood I'd go have Chinese at the restaurant with Shorter.”

“If you were going to have a Christmas celebration now, what would you want to do?” Eiji asked.

Ash shrugged, looking up into the lights again. “I don't really remember a lot about what it was like when Griff did it. I'd really just want some food, people who meant something to me. I remember before we didn't have electricity anymore when my father bailed that I used to watch Christmas specials on TV. There were ones they showed every year, I've seen them on DVDs here. But I never had the chance to have traditions, things a family did every year. So I don't really know. I guess I'd have to build something from the ground up now. I didn't have the chance to believe in Santa Claus and have that childhood innocence thing that goes with it to feel any type of way about it now.” He paused then, staying silent for a bit longer as he gazed up into the lights before finally dropping his head and making eye contact with Eiji.

“It's not a big deal now though. I've gone for so long without it, I'm neither here nor there about it. It is what it is.” Eiji could tell that Ash's feelings were a bit deeper than that by the tone and the distant expression his face had faded into, the one that usually meant Ash had been brought to a point of realization about how different his life had been between then and now. After a few moments more Ash smiled softly and stepped away from the tree with Eiji joining him as they continued on their way.

As they returned home for the night they fell into their usual routines, with Eiji taking care of Buddy and Ash getting his work in order for the next day. As Eiji looked into the living room from the kitchen he saw Ash grinning at something on his laptop.

“What's up?” Eiji asked as he sat down next to Ash on the sofa; in response Ash turned the laptop toward him where an email filled the screen.

“Just the confirmation email from the lawyer,” Ash said, still grinning. “I still can't believe it. I can't wait to get to work on it. I'll start researching contractors tomorrow for the remodeling work.”

Eiji couldn't help but smile, in happiness not only for their shared dream coming true, but also seeing Ash so happy. “I can't wait. Maybe we can make it a little different, mix in some elements of a New York tavern with the traditional Japanese.”

“Oooh! That would be cool!” Ash said. “Make it look traditional on the outside, but when you walk in it's like, walking into one of those little hole-in-the-wall corner places in New York. With a bar you walk up to, and tables. There's some places I've been to where they mix the cultures of different places here. It might be the extra little attraction we'll need to bring in customers. There's a lot of tourists in this area, that could totally work.”

“It's going to be great,” Eiji smiled. “I –“

It happened so quickly Eiji didn't really have time to process it. Suddenly he was wrapped in Ash's arms, sparkling green eyes locking with his as they moved in closer. Eiji knew then what was coming and hugged Ash in return, angling his head up as Ash's lips met his. At first, the touch was tentative as it had been under the trees earlier, but within moments it had grown into a full kiss. At first Eiji half-expected Ash to nudge his lips open with his tongue, as he had the only other time they'd “kissed”, but instead Ash's hand came up to gently cradle Eiji's cheek, the kiss staying soft but lingering for a very long few moments before it was finally broken by Ash gently pulling away for breath. When Eiji found he didn't want to open his eyes, he felt another soft kiss on his forehead.

“Earth to Eiji,” Ash murmured, amusement in his tone.

“Hm?” Eiji's eyes blinked open then, his cheeks immediately flushing.

“You okay there?”

“Uh... yeah... that... was really nice.”

This time it was Ash's turn to blush. “I was hoping it wouldn't be too bad.”

Eiji laughed softly. “Definitely not. I mean... when you've waited for something this long, it's probably going to be good no matter what. But I mean... if you want to practice and get better at it...”

A soft smile played over Ash's features then. “If you insist.”

  


  


Over the next week or so Ash set into motion a few things regarding the new izakaya, having lined up contractors and taken a meeting with them at the location. The remodeling would begin just after the New Year's holiday week, with a target opening of the end of March as there wasn't a whole lot to do.

However, since Ash had been out and about running errands and Eiji only had two photography jobs for the same time frame, Eiji found himself in the condo alone for the better part of most days. The day after the building sale closing the pair had gone out and gotten a small Christmas tree, that they'd then decorated and now sat on one of the end tables in the living room. They'd talked a little more about doing something for Christmas, but nothing concrete had come to mind.

So now, as dusk dimmed the living room and Eiji found his thoughts wandering as he gazed into the tree, he tried to wrack his brain to think of something special to do for Ash. Without the friends he'd made back in New York, pulling off something like the Halloween party from so long ago was a little tougher and though he'd reconnected with some of his old college friends and had introduced them to Ash (known as Michael to them), it just wasn't quite the same. He was pretty sure Ash wouldn't want to return to New York for the holiday; even having been there the few months it took for Eiji to wrap up things on his end before moving back had been a bit more than Ash was comfortable with. Not to mention there had been a couple of close calls where old friends of Ash's who still kept in touch with Eiji had very nearly crossed paths with their former gang boss, who had been presumed dead for nearly a decade (and Ash wanted to keep it that way).

“What should we do, Buddy?” Eiji asked the dog aloud as he nosed into Eiji's hand, requesting head rubs. “I guess I was in America just long enough to start forgetting everything I knew about Japan...”

Just then Eiji's phone rang, and his face broke into a grin as he saw Max's number come up, answering quickly.

“Max, I think you have psychic powers,” Eiji said. “I could really use your help right now.”

“Well it's good to know I'm good for something. I was just calling to see how you guys are doing,” Max replied, his tone bemused. “What can I help you with?”

“I need you to tell me about American Christmas. I didn't have a lot of a chance to celebrate it while I was there, and I want to do something special for Ash.”

“Well everyone does their own thing really. I don't really know of anyone that goes by every single thing they say in the Christmas carols,” Max said in a thoughtful tone. “But I'll tell you what I can.”

“Great,” Eiji said. “I've gotten a few ideas from Ibe-san too, so between the two of you I'm hoping I can come up with something good.”

  


  


“Eiji, what's going on? Where are you going?”

Ash had come home from errands to find Eiji in the bedroom packing up a suitcase, and wasn't really sure how he should be feeling about it.

“Ash! Sorry, didn't mean to worry you,” Eiji said with a grin. “You need to pack too. We're going on a trip for the weekend.”

“What? Why? Is something wrong?”

“No! Not at all. It's... a bit of an early Christmas gift for you,” Eiji said, his cheeks flushing.

“Me? But you didn't have to do that,” Ash said, inspecting the contents of Eiji's suitcase and finding lots of warm clothing. “Where are we going?”

Eiji paused for a few moments, debating his answer. “It's a surprise. Because I don't want you Googling to find out anything. Just pack, our flight leaves at noon tomorrow.”

Ash laughed as he dug out his own suitcase. “You know, you haven't changed as much as I expected. You're still impulsive as hell but at least now it won't get you killed anymore.”

“See? There's a bright side to everything!” Eiji grinned. He then looked over as Ash rummaged through his side of the closet. “Make sure you bring lots of warm stuff.”

“I noticed. I'm going to throw a guess out there and say we're going somewhere cold. Are we leaving the country? Do I need my passport?”

“No, we're not going too far. You'll see.”

“I think you should tell me.”

“No! It's a surprise!”

“I could come over there and tickle it out of you.”

“Won't work. Besides why do you want to spoil it?”

“I've never liked surprises.”

“That's because they were never good ones before. This one is.”

Ash paused at that, gaze fixed on Eiji for a few moments. “...all right, you got me there.”

“It's fine, don't worry. I think you'll love it.”

Ash gathered up some clothes and brought them over to the bed to sort out before packing them into his suitcase. “All right, I'll take your word for it. But I'm curious as to what brought this on.”

“A few things, but mostly because you've been working so hard. You need a break. And also... it's been a while since I could do something like this. There was only one other time I got to throw a party for you.”

“Oh yeah, the one with the pumpkins. Now I'm questioning if I should go on this trip,” Ash grinned.

“Oh stop!” Eiji laughed. “I'm trying to be sentimental here.”

Ash sat down next to where Eiji was sitting on the bed folding his own clothes to pack. Wrapping an arm around him, he leaned in to kiss his cheek affectionately. “I know. I'm just not used to this sort of thing. I guess I don't know how to handle it really. I never expected to be sharing my life with you like this, and when we did before, it wasn't exactly domestic bliss. I guess I just have to learn to relax... I think it's just that I'm not used to allowing anyone other than me to be in control of things, even stuff like this. Old habits die hard I suppose.”

Eiji sighed, nodding quietly. “True. I didn't think about that, I'm sorry.”

“No! I mean... it's on me. I don't want to ruin this or seem ungrateful because I'm definitely not. I'm intrigued for sure. I'm excited to see what you have up your sleeve.” He leaned in then, giving Eiji a soft peck on the lips. “Help me pick out some stuff to take?”

Eiji kissed back, then smiled in response. “Okay! We'll start with that green sweater of yours that I love, the one Ibe-san gave you for your birthday.”

“Eiji... it's got a weird-looking bird on it.”

“Yes, Nori Nori! That's why I love it. You have to bring it!”

Ash laughed as he got up, walking back over to the closet and pulling the sweater out, tossing it over to Eiji. “All right. But I will probably only wear it under something else because... weird bird.”

Eiji laughed at that. “Yes, you are.”

“Hey!! God you're a brat.”

“Yes, but I'm _your_ brat.”

Ash grinned at that. “True, true. And I don't mind that one bit.”

  


  


After stopping on the way to drop Buddy off at a “dog hotel” the pair began their morning with a train ride to Narita Airport. Ash had done his best to keep his promise to Eiji and not look too closely into where they were going, though when he brought up the ticket on his phone at security and then again when they arrived to the gate, he noticed it said Sapporo. Ash hadn't really done a lot of research about other areas of Japan despite having lived there for so long, so he didn't know all that much and despite the overwhelming urge to hit up Google while they were on their short flight, he decided to refrain. But his first clue about what Eiji might have planned came when the plane was kept in a holding pattern for an extra half hour due to weather. When they finally did land, as they taxied toward the gate Ash looked out of the window and saw everything blanketed in snow, more than he had seen in one place in his entire life.

“Uh, Eiji? I don't think I have the boots for this,” Ash said.

“It's okay! We can buy some on the way to the hotel. There's plenty of shops along the way. I don't think mine will hold up either to be honest. They weren't kidding about the snow here. In fact there's supposed to be some heavy snow overnight too.”

Ash had to smile at that. “So we're here to see lots of snow because I talked about not ever having much when I was a kid?”

“Well, that's part of it. You'll see.”

Ash was soon fascinated by how much of the next hour or so was spent underground, from their express train ride to Sapporo Station to the underground walkway it was connected to. Eiji had been right about there being a wealth of shopping available and the pair bought proper winter boots with the helpful advice of one of the salesmen in the store. After exploring and more shopping in the underground mall Eiji seemed quite anxious to get to their hotel so Ash followed, taking in the festive atmosphere as many of the stores were decorated for the holidays. He blinked in surprise, however, when they emerged through a special exit in the underground walkway to the lobby of the Grand Hotel Sapporo, one of the nicest in the city.

“Eiji, what on earth?”

“Shh. I told you this was a special gift.”

“But--” Ash stopped himself then as Eiji headed over to the check in desk, inwardly fighting the awkwardness he knew was from more than just this overt display of affection via Eiji's special plans. Ash had only ever been showered with nice things when something was expected in return – something he usually didn't want to give. He knew it wasn't about that now, but having the apprehension rise up again after eight years of being tucked away made Ash take pause as he realized he still had quite a bit to work through. _But not now. This is important to him, don't ruin it._

Eiji came over then with their room keycards. “Ready?” he asked, grinning excitedly.

“Yep, I'm about done with walking for now,” Ash said.

“That's fine. We'll stay in for tonight anyway.”

“Oh? What do you have planned?” Ash asked as they took the elevator ride up to their floor, then headed down the hallway toward their room.

“I thought we'd just relax tonight, and explore the city tomorrow,” Eiji said. He paused in front of a door, swiping his keycard; Ash didn't miss that same flush over Eiji's cheeks that meant he was excited about something as he followed him into the room.

The room itself was spacious, with a king size bed and a sitting area, definitely one of the more expensive rooms in the hotel. Through the windows that were filled with the bluish, waning light of sunset through snow clouds a steady curtain of puffy flakes wafted past, growing a bit thicker in the few moments Ash watched.

But the thing that caught Ash off guard the most was that the room was... decorated. A Christmas tree glowed in multicolored lights and metallic ornaments in the corner, string lights around all of the windows and around the headboard of the bed, and holiday decorations on the tables. Even the mantel of the electric fireplace was draped in lights and sparkly snowflake garlands as its faux but realistic fire glowed warmly, with reindeer figurines set on top. He stood silently for several minutes, taking it all in, feeling the lump in his throat and the clenching in his chest grow tighter until he felt like he was going to burst.

“Merry Christmas,” Eiji said with a grin. “Do you like it?”

Ash pulled Eiji tightly to him, arms crushing him in an embrace. “I love it. It's gorgeous.” He then found himself blinking when Eiji raised up on his toes to peck sweetly at his lips with his own.

“Good. I was hoping they'd get the decorations right, I sent them a bunch of pictures. I think it's pretty close to what an American house would look like. I didn't really hang with anyone in New York that celebrated so I didn't have a lot of an idea about it. I asked Max and he helped me out a bit.”

Ash walked over to the windows to find a view of the city below that was already somewhat obscured through the haze of the falling snow, adding to the blanket already covering it. “It never snowed like this even in New York, except for a random storm once in a blue moon.”

Eiji walked over, slipping an arm around Ash's waist; Ash wrapped an arm around his shoulders in return. “I told Ibe-san what I wanted to do, and he said that this was the best place to go in Japan for it to feel like Christmas because of the snow. I've never seen this much either to be honest. Izumo is down in the south, right on the coast, so we didn't get any usually.”

“No wonder that shoe salesman told us to get boots that go up to our knees,” Ash laughed. “From the looks of it, we're going to need them.”

“I can't wait,” Eiji grinned.

Ash leaned down and placed another soft kiss on Eiji's lips, smiling into it. “This is amazing, Eiji. Thank you.”

“We just got here!” Eiji said. “There's a special surprise tomorrow that I'm dying for you to see.”

“More? You sure went all out.”

“Yes... but you're worth it.”

“Stop.”

“You _are!”_

“Let's get some dinner,” Ash laughed softly by way of hitting pause on the playful banter he already knew could continue forever if either of them let it. “I'm starving.”

“Sounds good. After that we can relax and watch these,” Eiji grinned, handing Ash a stack of DVDs; it was apparent that some had been bought used. As Ash looked them over, the titles stuck out immediately as programs usually shown at Christmas time in the US: _Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, How The Grinch Stole Christmas, Frosty the Snowman, Santa Claus Is Coming to Town._

Eiji quickly turned around when he heard Ash sniffle, to find him sitting down at the table in front of the fireplace, hand covering his mouth, eyes glistening in the soft glow of the Christmas lights.

“Oh my god, I haven't watched these since... I maybe was... seven? It was the last Christmas I remember with Griff. We didn't have much of anything, but he cut down a little tree from the woods nearby that he threw some cheap lights on it. It was before the power got turned off because he wasn't making enough money at the job he had in town to pay it. The TV was fuzzy because we just had the antenna on it. But we watched all of these. He gave me a set of dinosaurs that he probably got at the dollar store, and a couple of books to go with them that talked about them all on Christmas Day. It was the only thing close to a Christmas I ever had. I... kind of forgot about it until now. That time... feels like it wasn't even me, like it happened to someone else...”

Eiji walked over then, pulling the other chair up close to Ash, sitting down and wrapping his arms around him as he laid his head on Ash's shoulder.

“I didn't mean to upset you...”

“No, no... it's not like that. I guess... I guess I had more than I thought I did, back then, even if it wasn't much of anything. Griff did his best but he was really a kid too. But when so much bad happens to you, the farther away you are from the good, you just don't remember it anymore until something like this brings it back. I guess I had blocked out the specifics over time, especially after losing Griff the way I did... I saw him the way he was at the end for so long I... forgot how he was before...” He grew silent again, closing his eyes as he processed the flood of repressed memories that had come back to the surface.

“It's okay if you don't want to watch them,” Eiji said softly. “I just remembered them being on every year when I lived in New York and I'd watch them because I'd hear people talking at the gallery and such about making sure they caught them every year. I'd been picking them up here and there back in New York with the thought of maybe showing them to Akira someday, and then when you mentioned watching them when we were talking last week I was glad I did.”

“I want to watch them,” Ash said, his tone reassuring. “Just because there's one memory of something that's special doesn't mean there can't be more. But... I guess that's what this whole weekend's about, huh?”

Eiji nodded with a soft smile. “Yes... You missed out on a lot of Christmases, but we can at least start from scratch now.”

Ash leaned in and kissed Eiji softly. “Absolutely,” he replied.

  


  


Ash opened his eyes slowly, forgetting where he was for a few moments until he caught sight of the Christmas lights that were strung around the headboard of the bed. A look over at the flatscreen TV that was mounted above the fireplace on the wall that the foot of the bed faced, found the DVD player's logo screensaver bouncing quietly around the screen.

He and Eiji had spent the night curled up in bed with a bottle of wine, watching the DVDs of the Christmas specials Eiji had brought along. They'd laughed throughout all of them as they playfully mocked them (“I didn't realize [Santa was such an asshole](https://youtu.be/ok9lXO2Ob28?t=61), there's nothing wrong with Rudolph's nose!!”) and eaten far too many frosted Christmas cookies they'd bought at the mall on their way to the hotel.

He looked over at a sleeping Eiji, who'd drank a bit too much of the wine and had been just drunk enough that his equally intoxicating giggles at anything Ash had said had been more than enough to lift Ash's heart. After a while Ash had continued his playful mockery of the shows they watched just to see Eiji crack up yet again. Everything Eiji had done so far was already enough, but there was the promise of more to come today.

Ash got out of bed as quietly as possible and poked around to see what amenities the room featured. Finding a coffee maker and supplies he started the pot brewing then wandered over to the window, also draped in glowing lights, and pushed aside a slat of the vertical blinds to see the daylight view of the city – or at least, tried to. There was still a decent snowfall happening, the streets several floors below barely visible through the haze of white. He could still see people going about their day, shuffling along the sidewalks, snowplows mixed in with the morning traffic.

“Ash?”

He turned around to see Eiji sitting up in bed. “Right here. I'm thinking we'll need to find snowshoes to get around today.”

“Really?” Eiji's tone was excited as he got out of bed and came over to the window, peering out as well. “Oh this will be fun! We could make a snowman in Ōdōri Park while we're there.”

“You're such a dork!” Ash laughed. “But we can. Let's order some breakfast first. And check the weather report because it seems it's rather frightful out there.”

It took Eiji a moment to catch the reference, after which he laughed himself. “Now who's a dork?”

Ash shrugged with that shit-eating, “innocent” grin on his face, the one that Eiji knew always surfaced when Ash was happy with no strings attached. Eiji grinned in response then, tossing the room service menu at Ash playfully as he headed to the coffee pot to grab a cup to accompany their laying of plans for the day.

After lazing about for the rest of the morning and finally feeling up to braving the weather toward mid-afternoon the pair made their way outside, opting to walk the relatively short distance from the hotel to Ōdōri Park. On a good day the walk was about 10 minutes, but as they trudged along both got the idea that it was going to take a bit longer than that. They hung onto each other's hands, bundled up against the cold, laughing as the occasional wind whipped up showers of drifting snow. Even with the boots they'd bought both skidded around a bit until they got the hang of shuffling along carefully to stay upright.

Even so, as what was meant to be a very short walk turned into a very long one, Ash didn't have a single complaint. While the city was nothing like New York the big-city atmosphere was still there, and with many of the storefronts, restaurants and businesses featuring some sort of festive winter holiday decorations, both were happy to admit the mood Eiji had brought them for had been attained. They decided to stop for dinner at a restaurant along the way, their timing perfect as they took their leave as the city grew dark. They arrived at the park just as the lights of the [White Illumination](http://www.sapporo.travel/event/event/winter/sapporo_white_illumination/?lang=en) came on for the evening.

“I don't even remember seeing lights like this back in New York,” Ash said as they wandered through the display areas, with Ash keeping a hold on Eiji's hand once they'd noticed a few couples doing the same as they took in the atmosphere.

“I don't think there were either, that I know of,” Eiji said. “Though I can't say I ever went looking specifically. But this is pretty spectacular.” After a bit of taking it in Eiji pulled out his professional camera that this time he'd remembered to bring, capturing the scenes in a more artistic fashion than Ash, who took video on his phone as he wandered a bit away but still within sight of Eiji.

Ash paused as some music from the German Christmas Market wafted over from behind him, adding to the atmosphere as he watched Eiji photograph a display. He couldn't help but think about how close he had come to never having the chance to experience any of this. At one time, he had never dared to believe there could be anything special or beautiful about his life unless it came with a price. But just like it always seemed to happen even back then, Eiji had a way of opening his mind and heart, to believe in things that seemed impossible. As Eiji turned and headed back toward him with a grin on his face Ash found himself smiling as well.

Eiji had just finished tucking his camera away in its tote when he felt something smack his shoulder, causing him to yelp in surprise. He found his jacket dusted with snow from the snowball Ash had just thrown, which was quickly joined by another that bounced off Eiji's leg.

“Hey!! You're not getting away with that!” Eiji cried; as he stooped down to gather up a snowball Ash bounced one off the beanie Eiji had on his head, the soft, powdery snow causing the snowball to burst into a shower of sparkly crystals. Eiji whipped one at Ash in return just as Ash responded in kind; before long the pair were engaged in a pretty intense, if short, war which found both of them brushing each other off after they'd covered each other with snow, the targets marked by white dots of packed snow over their jackets and jeans.

“Hold up you got some on your ass,” Ash said, smacking Eiji's backside as he brushed off the remnants of two direct hits.

“So do you,” Eiji said, chasing Ash as he backed up a couple of playful steps before returning the ass-smack in kind by way of brushing him off. Eiji was checking for his camera again when he heard Ash yell “dammit!” amidst his laughter, and looked up to see Ash had tried to put the hood of his coat back up only to find it full of snow which he was currently shaking out of his hair, his long braid swinging behind him.

“That's what you get!” Eiji laughed. “You started it!”

“Yeah yeah yeah,” Ash said in mock annoyance as he shook the hood out as best he could, then opted to dig the beanie he had out of his pocket, pulling it down over his head with a smirk.

“Let's go check out the [market](http://www.sapporo.travel/event/winter/munich_christmas_market/?lang=en),” Eiji said. “I want to try the hot wine.”

“Hot wine? Hot wine you say?” Ash said as they headed over.

“It's more of a European thing I think, but it sounds pretty good right about now after being frozen by flying snowballs!” Eiji said.

They headed over toward the rows of kiosks and soon found a stand selling the hot wine, with Ash sniffing at it curiously as he cupped it in both hands, letting the heat go through his damp gloves. He waited for Eiji to get his, then raised his cup with a soft smile.

“Merry Christmas,” Ash said, frowning curiously. “I... don't remember the last time I actually said that and meant it.”

“Well you can now,” Eiji grinned as he tapped his cup against Ash's, then took a sip which cued Ash to do the same.

“Okay... we're gonna have to start doing this at home when it gets colder,” Ash said. “I think I have a new addiction.”

“Does this mean we're nuking our wine in the microwave in the room later?” Eiji asked as they started walking through the market.

“Entirely possible,” Ash laughed. “Oh look, Father Christmas. Should we let him have it for being an asshole to Rudolph?”

Eiji cracked up as he looked over at the costumed man greeting a group of children. “Oh my god no! I'm pretty sure it's probably some innocent Japanese guy under that beard that won't have a clue what you're talking about. We don't want to get arrested.”

It was Ash's turn to laugh at that. “Ahhhh yeah, I think I've had enough of that for a lifetime to be honest.”

They continued on through the market, which Eiji remarked reminded him somewhat of the Christmas market they'd had in Bryant Park each year, which he'd been hired to photograph a few times. Before long they were completely pulled into the atmosphere, and Eiji couldn't help but notice Ash wandering off to check out decorations or crafts, ending up buying something almost every time. As Eiji captured various vignettes with his camera he would catch Ash unawares, snapping shots of him with an almost childlike wonder on his face as he took in a tree laden with ornaments for sale that glistened with lights, or excitedly picked out some pastries and cookies to take back to the room for later on. Eiji knew that seeing Ash this way would soon no longer be a rare thing, but seeing the parts of him surface that even Ash himself had possibly not realized existed filled Eiji with a sense of peace that he hoped Ash was feeling as well.

It began to snow again as they came to the end of the market area, with Eiji accepting Ash's arm around his shoulders, pulling him in to his body for warmth.

“There is one more thing I want to show you,” Eiji said. “But it's a bit of a walk from here, the hotel is halfway there. It's the special surprise I mentioned. We can get some dinner there too if you want.”

“Hmm... I'm kind of hungry actually,” Ash replied. “Let's get a cab and drop this stuff off, then head there. I'm way too curious to wait until tomorrow to see it,” he added with a smile.

The pair walked over to the road and hailed a cab as the snow started falling a bit heavier, enjoying the view of the city as the cab took a different route to the hotel than they had on the way from there to the park that afternoon. Once Ash had run their shopping bags upstairs they continued the ride to a large building that, at first, sparked a bit of confusion for Ash.

“Does that say [Sapporo Factory](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sapporo_Factory)?” he asked.

“Yes,” Eiji laughed. “But it's not a factory anymore even though the outside still looks like one. It used to be a brewery, and there's still one inside it, but now it's more like a mall inside. It's kind of close to an American mall in a way, with a movie theater, restaurants, shopping and even a museum. But what I want to show you is inside there.” As they got out of the car Eiji paid the driver, then tugged on Ash's hand as they headed inside.

The moment they walked in, Ash immediately got a sense of why Eiji had brought them there. Just ahead, filling the view as they walked in, was [a massive Christmas tree](https://injapan.gaijinpot.com/play/events/2011/11/09/jumbo-christmas-tree-lights-up-sapporo-factory/) very reminiscent of the one in Rockefeller Center in size. The rest of the mall was draped in lights as well, with Christmas music softly playing from somewhere overhead.

Eiji realized after a few steps that Ash was no longer walking beside him, and turned to find he'd stopped just after they'd come in. He turned back, laying a hand on Ash's shoulder.

“What is it?” Eiji asked, concerned.

“I... this... is why you wanted to come all the way here? To Sapporo?” Ash asked softly.

Eiji nodded, slipping his hand into Ash's and lacing their fingers together. “Yes... I figured if we couldn't get back to New York... this was the next best thing. When Ibe-san told me 'they have a big tree like the one in New York', I knew this is where I wanted to go.”

Ash began to walk forward then, tugging on Eiji's hand. They walked slowly around the tree, with Ash pausing to take photos with his phone and Eiji quietly taking photos of both the tree and Ash with his camera, capturing the same expression of wonder on Ash's face as he'd seen at the Christmas market earlier.

Eiji was just about to ask Ash if he wanted to find somewhere to get dinner when they both paused at the sound of what seemed to be a church bell ringing. Along the edges of the mezzanines on either side of the building people began to gather and the tree suddenly faded to dark, then [the lights began to change in time with holiday music](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Avt8jnH6N-Q), causing them both to step back and grab a chair at one of the tables outside a restaurant on the ground floor.

“Well I think this tree's got one up on Rockefeller,” Ash said with a grin as they watched, pulling his chair over close to Eiji and subtly reaching for his hand; Eiji slipped his into Ash's, entwining their fingers once again.

“The light show is pretty amazing,” Eiji said. “I've seen things like this before, but they're usually kind of obnoxious. This is gorgeous.”

“Well... that too,” Ash said softly, squeezing Eiji's hand. “But I was talking about all of this... everything... I can't believe you did all this for me...”

“I have a lot of time to make up for,” Eiji said as the music ended, the tree returning to its regular display of thousands of colored lights glowing softly, the quiet holiday music returning. “You'd be used to it by now if things had been different.”

Ash smirked as he continued to look up at the tree for a few moments before giving Eiji a playful side-eye. “You better not be going all out on me all the time, that's just gonna get crazy awkward. I won't be able to keep up and that will suck.”

Eiji broke into laughter at that, giving Ash's shoulder a playful shove. “I'll try not to, but no promises,” he replied. “But I think we could maybe make this an annual trip, if you want.”

Ash turned to him then, a grin spreading across his face. “I'd love that, actually.”

“Great! Then it's a yearly date,” Eiji grinned. “Should we go get some dinner? You can see the tree from everywhere in here, you know,” he teased gently.

“Let's do that,” Ash said. “I'm starving. And it looks like it's snowing pretty good, so we'll need the energy because I want to walk back to the hotel.”

The pair then headed up to the second level for dinner, which afforded them a another chance to see the light show as it ran at the top of every hour. Ash spent a bit more time gazing up at the tree before they left, holding onto Eiji's hand; he then pulled out his phone.

“Let's take a picture together,” Ash said; Eiji blinked at that.

“I didn't think you'd want to,” Eiji said as Ash adjusted his phone camera, holding it out at arm's length. “The photos I've taken I just intend to keep for me, but I know you have been careful about selfies, with the cloud thing and all that.”

“I don't use the cloud for stuff,” Ash reassured him. “Besides. It feels good to actually _want_ to remember things.” He wrapped his arm around Eiji's shoulders then, pulling him in close and resting his head atop Eiji's. “On three. One, two, three.” He snapped the photo then brought it up on his phone; it had come out perfectly, their faces softly lit with a background made of the sea of lights covering the tree behind them.

“I love it,” Eiji smiled. “Make sure you send it to me.”

“I will,” Ash nodded. “Even if it's nowhere near as good as yours, photo-senpai.”

“Oh _please_ ,” Eiji laughed as they made their way to the exit, heading out into the snowglobe-esque snowfall that was once again frosting the city. They took their time getting back to the hotel, pausing again for one last snowball fight on a quiet side street that ended up attracting a teenage couple who joined in the fun for a bit. Once they'd finally made it back to the hotel they changed into dry clothes and Ash made short work of warming up two coffee cups full of wine in the microwave and they climbed into bed, cracking open the tin of German butter cookies they'd bought at the market. Ash was in the middle of taking his first sip when his eyes caught that something was different over by the tree.

“Eiji... please tell me Santa Claus didn't come...”

Eiji looked over at the tree, where a small wrapped gift box sat beneath it. He broke into his goofiest grin and jumped out of bed. “He did!! Santa came!!” he cried as he went over to get it.

Ash set his cup of wine down, facepalmed and burst into laughter. “Oh my _god_ you are ridiculous!! And sneaky. I didn't even notice that when I came up to drop off our bags earlier.”

Eiji bounced back over and hopped into bed, handing the box to Ash. “I put it there after you went into the hallway before we left this afternoon. Well, open it!”

“It's not Christmas for another week though!” Ash said.

“This is a special early Christmas, it's okay.”

“I didn't get you anything for actual Christmas though... I didn't know we were doing anything.”

“It doesn't matter! Open it!” Eiji said, half-amused and half-impatient.

“Okay okay,” Ash laughed, finally opening the box; when he saw its contents, he stared at it for a few moments in genuine surprise. Inside was a necklace, the chain in gold adorned with a gold Celtic-style cross pendant.

“Eiji... oh my god...” Ash's voice was barely a whisper as he registered what the gift actually was.

“I remember when you lost it,” Eiji said. “[I only had photos from that summer in Cape Cod to go on,](http://i64.tinypic.com/148dhsi.jpg), because I couldn't remember it very well otherwise. I went back there a couple of times after you were gone and every time, I'd look all around the house and the yard hoping to find it.

“The last time I was there was a couple of years ago. I'd been keeping track of the house you and Griff had shared through records online and had been hoping to maybe buy it, but it got foreclosed and was up for demolition before I could save enough money. Sing and I went back to look at it once more and to see if there was anything else we should take. When we got to the house, your father was there. He said he had to let it go because he couldn't afford it either, then told us to come and see him before we left.

“We went to the inn; he was still living there. He said he had something for me, and handed me the necklace. It was tarnished and the chain was broken. He had found it the night Golzine's men came and Jennifer was killed, after the police came and he'd returned from giving his statement. He said he found it when he was cleaning up afterward while sweeping the floor. That was when you'd lost it. He kept it all that time, but thought I'd want to have it. Since you came back, I'd been thinking about getting it fixed and surprising you with it... and this ended up being the perfect time.”

Ash had remained silent as Eiji spoke; when he finished he took the necklace out of the box, the chain repaired and the gold polished, and put it on.

“I only had it a short time before I lost it. I thought it was kind of ironic,” Ash said softly. “I found it when I was going through Griff's stuff when all of us went back to Cape Cod... it was his. I remembered him wearing it and I had a few pictures in the ones we found in his room where he had it on. I don't know why he didn't take it with him when he went into the service. I had every intention of keeping it, and I remember being in the truck when we were getting the hell out of dodge and realizing I'd lost it. I had been wearing it since I found it and I kind of thought I might have lost it then. I... never expected to see it again. It was all I had left of Griff.” He drew in a breath, blinking back a few tears, then turned and wrapped Eiji in a crushing embrace, burying his face in Eiji's shoulder.

“Thank you... for this. For everything. I'll never know what I did to deserve you...”

Eiji hugged back tightly, rubbing Ash's back with one hand, then leaning in to place a soft kiss on his cheek. “My soul was meant to find yours, and always be with you. And I believe Griff is with you always as well. Maybe he was what made Sing come back and look for you that night. And Sing was with me when I got the necklace back... I don't think that's just coincidence, you know? If what those who practice Shinto believe is true, then all who pass away become gods who watch over us eventually. I think he's always near, making sure you are well. Because now he can be everywhere with you.”

Ash laughed softly at that as he sat up again, arms still wrapped around Eiji. “What's that saying about making your guardian angel work overtime? He was probably swearing at me to calm the fuck down and is happy I finally listened.”

“Hey even angels and gods need a break sometimes!” Eiji laughed; he blinked as a moment later he found it stifled by Ash's kiss. Eiji leaned into it as it lingered for a few more long moments before Ash pulled back with a soft smile.

“Merry Christmas, Ash,” Eiji said.

“Merry Christmas, Eiji,” Ash replied. He then reached for his cup of wine, which had cooled off; Eiji found his had as well.

“Let's warm this back up and finish watching those DVDs,” Ash said. “We still gotta watch the Grinch and Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town.”

“Oh! The Santa one has a song in it that I liked a lot,” Eiji said as he warmed up the cups in the microwave. “Something about [one foot in front of the other](https://youtu.be/OORsz2d1H7s). It's about believing in yourself and finding the way to becoming a new person.”

“Oh yeah, that's right,” Ash said as Eiji climbed back into bed, turning off the table lamp so the room was lit by just the glow of the tree, the strings of lights and the fireplace. “That sounds like some pretty good advice. Kinda appropriate, actually.”

“I think so,” Eiji smiled. “And I'm glad I get to walk that path with you again.”

Ash pulled Eiji in close, placing a kiss atop his head. “Forever,” he replied.

 

**Author's Note:**

> The idea for this one-shot popped into my head literally a couple of hours after posting the final chapter of _Take Me As I Am_. I was looking around on YouTube to see what Christmas/December was like in Tokyo and [this related video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-HW9m3oF-CE) came up in the sidebar, showing Sapporo in December, along with Ōdōri Park lit with the White Illumination and the German Christmas Market, and found the inspiration for this story. There's quite a few things linked throughout, but I had such specific references in my head I wanted to make sure they came across correctly.
> 
> And now that this is posted, I will be calling this series complete (for real this time lol!). I began writing SDPWADY before the anime even started airing, so it feels fitting to close this up as the anime ends tomorrow. As always, thank you so much for reading, commenting and leaving kudos. <3


End file.
